Heartless
by SirenMistress
Summary: AU FTL. Regina is a mother, she's given birth to a gurgling mass, but her secret love, Emma didn't allow her to keep the child. Now 37 years later she has some secrets to share and a plea to see her daughter. Will Emma cave or will she refuse as she has time and time again?


**Title: Heartless**

**Category: Once upon a time**

**Pairing: Emma Swan & Regina Mills/the Evil Queen**

**Ship name: Swan Queen**

**Summary: AU FTL. Regina is a mother, she's given birth to a daughter, but her secret love, Emma didn't allow her to keep the child. Now 37 years later she has some secrets to share and a plea to see her child. Will Emma cave or will she refuse as she has time and time again? (TWO-SHOT)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own ONCE UPON A TIME or its original characters**

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><p>I lay atop the mattress and breathed in deeply, my long dark hair fanning out on the pillow shining with the rays of light that escaped the setting sun. The day was ending and I knew I had things to do, I had a duty to go about, but the one duty I was entitled to, I had a right to, was forbidden for me to perform.<p>

I was lost in thought when I felt the bed shift beside me. I closed my eyes and turned away from the intruder, taking another deep breath which filled my lungs with lavender and cinnamon. The scent reminded me of the day before the winter snow would fall and the birds would sing their last song and the flowers would perform its last bloom before they all settled in for the season. She smelt like the last day of hope before everything frosted over.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked, her soft mature voice sounding like a familiar melody against my bare ear.

"Something" I bluntly replied. I felt the bed shift again and dip as she lay down next to me. It seems my harsh tone has done nothing to offend her. Well seeing as how I usually rudely dismiss her this probably looks like a welcome mat with a puppy on it.

"You're thinking about her aren't you?"

"You know what, you ask too many questions"

"Maybe if you answer some, I won't ask as many"

I turned to face her a glare securely in place, but it disappeared when I saw her eyes, they were so filled with hope, hope for love, for happiness, even for forgiveness.

"I miss this, I miss you" she breathes, her face inching closer to mine

Her words pierce my chest and make me almost succumb to her love again, almost. I avoid her eyes which I know will make me break so I turn away from her and look at the bleeding sun instead.

"You have no right to miss anything that concerns me" I bite back, venom lacing my words, but she's used to this, so she takes it in her stride.

I feel her hand lay over mine, which in turn lay over my belly, the same belly that once held our child.

"Tell me" she coaxes "what worries you so?"

I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes at yet another question, but this time I decide to oblige as she inches closer to me, so close that my side is pancaked into her front and she's softly breathing into my hair.

"Today is her birthday, it has been 37 years and Emma, I'm just tired, I'm so very tired"

She pulls me closer silently encouraging me to go on, she knows this moment is rare, I have never spoken about our daughter in 37 years, choosing instead to lash out on the people closest to me or bottle up all my emotions until it exploded with the screaming masses of innocent villagers.

I turn towards her and grab the front of her dress, the material bunching up in my closed fist. Almost as if I were to rip her heart out like I did to countless others, but I press my ear to her chest and listen to the steady _thump, thump_ of her heart. I felt a soft press of lips to the top of my head and elaborated by statement.

"I'm tired Emma, tired of being angry with you, tired of not being able to be a mother, tired of not being able to be with you"

She squeezed me tighter, as if she were holding the pieces of me together "I know, I'm sorry"

"Remember the time" I began "when I had come running into your room after you had specifically told me not to disturb you unless it was really important?"

"yes" she confirmed "but you had come in and I was busy with… I was busy, so you didn't say anything; I had always assumed you were going to beg me not to give our daughter away"

"I wasn't, I … I was going to tell you that our daughter had a hole in her heart"

Emma pulled back from me and searched my eyes for a lie "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked when she found none.

I pulled away from her entirely and sat up against the headboard, the cool wood easing my muscles as I told my secret lover what I had hid from her all these years.

"Because" I continued "It seemed like you didn't care, all you worried about was your reputation and your kingdom, you-"

"I cared about you!" she interrupted, she was sitting up now, glaring at me with such force, I was sure it could burn a hole in my head.

I laughed at her intensity, a mocking laugh and I saw her features slink into confusion.

"You knew all those years ago, who I was, to you, to your family and yet you pursued me, made me love you, made me give you an heir and yet, you didn't even let me keep her. Then what did you do? Hmm? You shunned me, made it seem like everything was normal!"

"Regina, I did what needed to be done to keep or daughter safe, to keep you safe. Do you know what our parents would have done to the grandchild of their sworn enemies?"

"We loved each other, Emma, we could have fought through it, ran away together, anything! Wasn't I enough?"

"You wouldn't have been enough dead!" she bore her green eyes into me searching my soul for a crack, a small space that I may have left in my sanity to be continuing this conversation after so many years of avoiding it. Our secret love, our child and my irrevocable desire to be hers always there but never communicated.

Sensing the growing tension Emma dropped her gaze and reached for my hands instead, a small sigh escaping her lips. "Our daughter…" she trailed off

"Yes" I sighed, knowing that this topic would never be dropped now that I started it. I could feel the pressure on my hands increase as if to squeeze the information out of me. "When you left to make arrangements, for our daughters new parents, the nursemaids allowed me to hold her, even though you had told me not to"

"I didn't want you to get attached"

"I held her anyway" I cut her off, irritated at the interruption in my story I continued

"she wouldn't stop crying, but when I held her, Emma, it was like she just knew that I was her mother and she, Gods she was beautiful, a perfect combination of us both, dark hair, pink lips, round face and even a hint of your chin. I've never been happier" I could feel myself smiling, the memory of that day bringing a sparkle of wonderment to my eyes.

I looked up to see Emma's eyes shining with something akin to guilt and amazement, but her smile never wavered as she watched the once Evil Queen give her take on the one moment of motherhood she held to her name.

"but then" I began in a solemn tone "I realised that her heart was beating irregularly and she was short of breath, our baby was going to die and I have never felt so hopeless, but the lessons with the imp paid off, one thing he did right" I scoffed "was teach me how to remove a heart"

Emma's eyes widened at this and she sat up straight fearful and curious as to the next part of the tale.

"I gave our baby my heart, so that she may live a fulfilling life, even if it was away from me"

Emma's face fell and I could see her fitting the pieces together. Why I distanced myself from her so abruptly, why I didn't care about my reputation or regard for human life, why I started wearing black even.

"You have no heart" she whispered, edging closer to me and placing her hand where my heart should lie.

"No!" I snapped, making Emma move away from me abruptly "I have a heart, but it lies with my daughter"

I turned away from her and rose from the bed we made a home out of. I rubbed my hand over my heart feeling the ghost of a touch that Emma had left behind and turned to face her with the last bit of courage I had left.

"I want to see her"

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><p><strong>AN: Can you guess who Regina and Emma's daughter is? **

**All mistakes are mine as I don't have a beta, on that note let me know if you wanna go through the torture of being mine.**


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